I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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