this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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