seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
