i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
