Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
