I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
