I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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