after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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