another moral hangover. fuck.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
