the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
