all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
