I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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