In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
