in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
