never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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