I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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