THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're like the curious george of whores
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize