Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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