did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
