I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
