i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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