I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
