This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
