Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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