pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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