My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
