Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
