You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
