she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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