Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
