I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
