is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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