He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
