craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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