I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize