I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
