She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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