Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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