the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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