i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm at about main and main street
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
