She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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