Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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