have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The Olympian is in my bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
