I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
