Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
