I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have aggressive nipples.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
