this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
