it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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