I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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