I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
