The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
