i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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