i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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