there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
