I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
