Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize