is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He told me they were just razor bumps!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
