I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
