So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
