my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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