Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have fence marks all over my body
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
