HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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