I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
