everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
