hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
