I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I could fuck to npr.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
