who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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