Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
