So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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