Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
