whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
