Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
