Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
