all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
