I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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