Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
