Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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