it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
