My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Alive.
So much puke
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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