we have pet lesbian snakes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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