fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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