dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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