I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
