a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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