Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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