remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
