Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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