my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
