So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
