Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
