I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize