: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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