you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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