she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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