What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
