Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i think i just lost a toe
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
