Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
