babies were throwing up all over the place
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
