i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
